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EthernalHatred
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Location: nacogdoches, Texas, United States
Birthday: 1/27/1986
Gender: Male
Interests: Ultimate Frisbee, Girls, God, Movies, Hanging Out, Clubbing, Weekend Parties, Week Day Parties, Parties in General... Hell... I dunno I quit.
Expertise: Being a total asshole when im pissed, though it takes alot to do that... believe it or not. Otherwise, Im to wide spread at to have one expertise... not gonn list them all.
Occupation: Legal
Industry: Government
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  MrBlack127312
MSN: sucky_sucky@hotmail.com
Yahoo:  mrblack_g11@yahoo.com
Member Since:
9/8/2005
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| FINALS! Done So, im here studying in the link lab at the library on campus because some lame ass airplane broke my laptop on the way to vegas :\, but anyways, im making due.
I realized iv missed someting in the past few months... kinda funny how it works when you just wake up one morning, look at something, and ur like.. "duh! now i remember." Then again... its never been that easy for me so im not sure. But hey who knows.
I graduate in 2 semesters... (well summer + 2 semesters.) Scared? Yeah a little... I dont think im ready for whats comin but its a do or die world so what choice do i have. Im getting a degree in Criminal Justice, something iv loved since I was a kid but now I cant help but think that the stress, if coupled with other things, would drive me crazy and make me be someone im not. I'll admit, after taking this stress class about law enforcement... I see nothing good in the outcome, nothing at all.
3 things plague officers. 1.) Coronary Heart Disease 2.) Family/Home life troubles 3.) Suicide...
#3.) Im familiar with, RIP John Campo, but its crazy to think that 95% of all officers kill themselves with their own service pistol. 75% of officers involved in a shooting, or simply being shot at, suffer PTSD and are forced to retire within 7 yrs. Police Officers are 13x more likly to die of heart attack or stroke than any other person, aside from race but only on occupation, in the United States.
What scares me the most... Police Officers are trained to become emotionally detached from their work, society, people, and pain. TRAINED to become cold... cold to pain, people pain, hurt people. I, as a person, have always kept my self slightly detached from people because I know if I worried about everylittle thing out there that I would literally drown myself in worry (of course I dont detach myself from loved ones, work, or anything directly related to me such as Ultimate etc.)
Police officers are also trained to have dispositions and reflexive training to scenarios taking place that they do without regard to emotion or thought. They act out of reflex which keeps them alive. Meaning, man strikes at me, I grab his wrist pull him by put my arm through his elbow push him against the car and arrest him leaving him with a snaped elbow, and a even longer more painful ride to the hospital and jail room. What if, and i pray this never becomes me, I am being a jack ass which I have my moments and I do something so terrible that I deserve to be slapped for it and the person slaps me and I, without thinking, react this way? Out of 425,000 officers interviewd across the US, 55% reported atleast 1 incident of physical abuse at home in regards with a spouse or loved one.
So... am I scared?.. yea.. hah.. terrified. I am signing myself up for this treatment, this cold training with my only hope is me being so scared, that I realize when im slipping or that I realize when im changing that I'll be able to quit, literally leave my job, before it affects me to much. I regret enough, but then again this could all be just one of those feelings on a whim kind of things. Maybe terrified was to strong a word... perhaps, more along the lines of concerned. I just dont want to become an asshole at the end of it all, even though I know I have to be on the job. So.. yea, concerned fits nicely.
Aaron oh.. by the way, to sum up the last 5 months 1.) Aaron goes to Vegas, wins $1200 :D 2.) Aaron plays Vegas tournament, wins again 3.) Aaron becomes president of Ultimate Frisbee Club. 4.) Aaron takes 2 teams (1st college female team and mens team) to college sectionals. 5.)Enrolls in sumer classes again 6.)Almost gets fulltime job @ SFA, missed it because the guy he needed to get hired didnt :\ 7.)Aaron buys some fish with Stephanie :) 8.)Aaron finish's school on tuesday, unlike those dummies finishing friday :D Hah... there it is in a nut shell. | | |
| Hhhrrrmmmm.... time to show some funny links. We will start with things I saw on youtube that I found funny as hell :P I love this website... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owvO640ODwA (driver license pranks :P) http://www.break.com/index/how_not_to_beat_a_road_block.html (dumb ass) http://www.break.com/index/dr_phil_kicks_off_bumfights_creator.html (pwned) meh im tired Aaron | | |
| Merry Christmas :) Its been good this time, for the first time in four years I actually had a happy christmas. People were laughing, everyone was good and happy, I gave and recieved awesome gifts... was just good. Stephanie comes home in a few days :D Yay! Anyways, just wanted to say Merry Christmas - and everyone be safe. Off to the bathroom - then to bed, oh check out this link www.yourtvlinks.com and also watch daybreak... freaking awesome show! Anyways, goodnight, sweet dreams, love ya all... and merry christmas. Aaron | | |
| Change. Reading because its late and I cant sleep, I realize how much iv changed in the past year. Iv become more aggressive - like willing to fight aggressive. Sadly enough I like it... so tired of others people shit. I feel as if it drives me, this aggression, keeps me goin as long as I can keep it in check. Stephanie is coming back in 9 days. Im happy :) What oh what will I get her for her birthday, im thinkin wintersocks because shes dieing for a pair of em hehe. Who knows, maybe something esle.. I mean outside of the socks like a Greys Anatomy calender. Hm.. What is the purpose of this xanga? Honestly no one reads it outside of me. Im almost willing to say that if I were to commit a crime so grevious as to warrant arrest and I gloated about it on here... that no one would notice. I mean I really wouldnt do that, would ruin all I want to do with my life. I say that to make a point - no ones here anymore. Anyways, made my first C this last semester in CJ. Oh holy shit am I pissed, I can't believe this guy would actually do this shit to our class. He's our department head whos retiring right? Well, I signed up for Dr. Franks for CJS310 and I go in there the first morning and I got Mueler and Franks in the room. Well turns out Mueller on a whim is spliting up the class for deparmental standards which is to purly benefit him then within the score of 2 months, puts the class back together, splits, and recombines again. Doesnt lecture, doesnt do anything from the book. Sleeps through our presentations... I mean son of a fucking bitch! lol. Grr.. anyways. Im taking a break and just chillin out for a while - lifestyle wise. Its so quiet around here... I really miss Stephanie. I find myself constantly thinking about just hugging her and feeling her warmth in my arms again - in my soul again. Needless to say, the more I wait the more I want her here, and the more exicited I get. Hehe :P. Im glad shes getting the chance to go back to Florida to see her friends, just dont want her to be... well... plastered and have a repeat of last time lol. Damn that was scary, but anyways... I cant wait for her to get back is all. I should be graduating soon - next may for sure, december if im lucky. Man im excited, but between this blog and me, im having second thoughts about police work. As much as I feel I would be okay, part of me has a bad feeling about going into law enforcemet. Some reason, I honestly believe im gonna end up shot - which isnt good for anyone. If I do go into it, which I still think I am, god help anyman who tries anything on me as scared as I am of this job. Mike has been considering doing it with me, would be sweet if he did. Haha we could be pardners! Tango and Cash, the biker cops from Chips! Yee no, but still would be sweet. Anyways im gonna try to get some sleep. Oh, before I go, this song is pretty sweet. Nas - Black Republicans (ft. Jay-Z) Nas and Jay-Z together)
I Feel Like A .....
[Jay-Z]
black republican, money I got coming in
cant turn my back on the hood I got love for them
Cant clean my act has been good, too much thug in him
I'll probably end up back in the hood like f**k it then
rumblin' over the oven, we was like brothers then
though u was nothin other than the son of my mothers friend
we had government then, who would have thought the love would end
I suppose that happens to all good things
never known it was the same song that all hoods sing
thought it was all wood grain, all good brain
we wouldn't bicker like the other fools, talk good game
never imagine all the disaster that one good brang
could bring, should blame the game and I could
its kill or be killed, how could I refrain
forever be in debt thats never a good thing
So the pressure for success can put a good strain
On the friend you call best and yes it could bring
Out the worst in every person and even the good and sane
though we rehearsed it, aint just the same
when you push the game at the age of sixteen
then you mix things like cars, jewlry, and this thing
jealousy evil and pride and this brings
its all to a head like a coin, cha-ching
the root of evil strikes again
this could sting, now the team got beef between the post and the point
this put the ring at jeopardy
Hook by Jay Z
I feel like... Black republican, money I got coming in
cant turn my back on the hood I got love for them
Cant claim my act has been good, too much thug in him
I'll probably end back in the hood like f**k it then
Hook by Nas
I feel like a... Black militant taking over the government
cant turn my back on the hood too much love for them
Cant clean my act up for good, too much thug in him
I'll probably end back in the hood I'm like f**k it then
[Nas]
I'm back in the hood they like "Hey Nas"
blowing on purp reflecting on they lies
couple of fat cats couple of A.I.'s
dreaming of fly s**t instead of the grey skies
grey five's, hate lies, wishing our reign dies
b**ches they slang pie's and and ni**as they sing, why?
ni**as ain't strong enough to handle their jail time
weak minds keep trying to keep follow the street signs
I'm standing on the roof of my building I feel it
the whirlwind of beef I inhale it
just like an acrobat ready to hurl myself through the hoops of fire
sipping 80 proof, bulletproof under my attire
could it be the forces of darkness
against hood angels of good that form street politics
mixed with sweet honest kids
turn illegal for commerce
to get his feet outta them Converse, that's my word
Hook by Jay Z
I feel like... Black republican, money I got coming in
cant turn my back on the hood I got love for them
Cant claim my act has been good, too much thug in him
I'll probably end back in the hood like f**k it then
Hook by Nas
I feel like a... Black militant taking over the government
cant turn my back on the hood too much love for them
Cant clean my act up for good, too much thug in him
I'll probably end back in the hood I'm like f**k it then ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Some reason, the message hits home. Aaron. | | |
| The Field. I call it the field because latly, it is what iv desired... to be in the thick of things, to be caught up so deep into something I inevtiably loose my self in the process and loose track of time its self. Ultimate this weekend, Del Sol... it will be the bench-mark for our team to see what we are made of, to see if we got what it takes to succeede or fail miserably. To be honest, I expect failure, so no surprise if we do however... I plan on looking at personal achievments. Im none the less, excited. I cant wait to go... havnt had a game in 2 weeks and its itchin, itchin bad. I have but one bit of advice for someone who may every now and then, well... I actually have proof seeing as I have had something on this site for well over 4 months and it suddenly turned up on another, grace my thoughts to see if im breathing. By the way, yes I am breathing... thanks for checking :P, but do it. It will be the most liberating experience I believe you could ever wish to feel, all newly made arrangments aside. Those liberations, upon which I offer my congradulations, shall be the next. It, by which you know what I am reffering to, is a dream come true for you... you should enjoy while it lasts as in the quote I once put up on here in times of grievance "Steal away in the moment, and cherrish every second that lasts, for within a heartbeat, it could all end" Have Fun. Aaron | | |
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